There are things I am noticing now, that I was blind to before.
I never considered myself an optimistic person before, but the term "blind optimism" comes to mind.
Even just looking around our immediate area, I can see three alarming things:
The campsites haven't changed, but some of the occupants have. There are eight set-ups in our little clearing. Mine and Olivia's, the Jensens, the Hoskels, Harpers, Hardys and two others that were here when we got here, but I can not remember their names. The Hoskels and the Hardys are both gone; but both of their campers and trucks are still here. There are new people living in them.
Bill Jensen looks like he's been in prison for a dozen years; pale, nervous, and suspicious of anybody coming near their motorhome. His wife looks like I must have at first: nearly catatonic.
I don't know the Harpers well enough to talk to them, and honestly, I see Ed leave with Will Harper every other morning, so I'm not going to be looking for information there.
Most of the men are carrying firearms. Some of the women, too. I know some of them, and the thought of them carrying a rifle makes me nervous for different reasons altogether. Liz Fuller, busted for running a meth lab out of her mobile home - who the hell gave her a gun? And Abby Kensington, whose children were removed by Children's Aid at least four times due to violence in the home, what the hell? Many of the men I recognize are not much better.
ALL of the children are taken out, and away from the occupied camps every day. ALL of them. I see them out with their mothers at the fish station, and I know the older boys get rifle training, and hunting lessons; and the younger, but not too young kids are scavenging and trapping. The really young stay with their parents, but none of them stay in the camps.
Olivia hasn't spoken to anyone in days. Not even to blame me for telling Ed that Jess was sick. Not even to yell at the world like she would at any other time. She just sits on their bed. Sometimes she cries, but only for a few minutes, then she gets quiet again.
Ed told me to check and make sure they didn't have any guns. He thinks she'll kill herself, like so many others.
"Why, Ed. Why are so many other people killing themselves?"
Because this is a hard life, and people can't handle what needs to be done to survive.
If she did, I wouldn't blame her.
