Thursday, September 8, 2011
8:13 PM
I went for a walk down along the river, and saw something I'm afraid to ask about. One of those diesel pick-up trucks with the four wheels on the back drove across the bridge and up the mining road. It had a full load of something in the back, and I'm trying really hard not to think about it, but I know what I saw.
Ed has kept the boys busy. Daniel is learning how to set snares and big Joe Ellicott has started to teach Jason how to shoot a rifle at the range the men have set up on one of the little islands in the lake.
Jess and Livvy come by the camper every day, but I feel like I can't say anything. I'm afraid to say anything. I know they think I'm in shock. Maybe I am. I feel like even basic daily functions are completely beyond me at this point. When I was walking I thought about just walking into the river. The current always kept me from swimming in it every other year, but now the thought of that current washing me away and into the depths of the lake is a very comforting thought.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
5:49 PM
Olivia is a bully.
And a right bitch sometimes.
I can't believe she pushed me in the river and then had the goddamn gall to yell at me to "pull myself together".
Hello? I'm not the crazy bitch who's running around pushing people into the river! I could have drowned!
Honest to god, some days I don't know how Jess can stand her crazy, bitchy ass.
Sunday, September 11, 2011
5:12 AM
It's not quite dawn yet. Ed and the boys are still asleep, and while I can hear the boats heading down the river to go fishing, the camp is still pretty quiet.
I woke up with a clear head this morning, and I'm not sure I like it.
I noticed that the camp has grown. A lot. There are outhouses built all over (very practical), and it looks like an entire tent city has grown in this area over the last ... how many days? How many days since Emily?
Ten days.
Suddenly I feel an urgent to know everything that's happened in those ten days, even the bad things. Even the really bad things.
My boys, they have dark shadows under their eyes. What have I missed? In half an hour I can go knock on Livvy and Jess's door without feeling guilty.
9:46 AM
Jess is sick.
I knocked on their door as soon as I could this morning, and before I could even open my mouth, Olivia hauled me inside. Jess has a fever. It doesn't feel like a high fever, but she said asking anyone for a thermometer right now is like signing a death warrant. I was sure she was being melodramatic, but that's usually Jess's territory. I didn't even have one in the motorhome's first aid kit; I looked when I went back to grab my book and my notebook.
I'm staying with Jess while Olivia is out with the tree cutting crew. That's new to me. I didn't realize we had designated crews. She says if she fails to show up, they'll know something is wrong and send a different crew to check on her and Jess. I am afraid to ask what kind of crew the second one would be.
She tried to fill me in as best as she could while she dressed for work (do I call it work?) Suicides are happening a lot. 23 now, with the most happening after a "purge".
Ten days. For ten days I locked myself out of reality and suddenly there are suicides and "purges". She gave me such a pitying look when I asked what a purge was.
"You know what they are, Anna," she told me, "Emily and little Vincent were just the first."
5:46 PM
Good lord, I hope Olivia gets back soon. Jess is starting to get delirious, and she talking, a lot. Sometimes she talks to me as though we are still teenagers, about Rory, in grade 10, the first boy she kissed (she said it was awful). If she was well, and we were reminiscing like normal, this would be a hilarious conversation. As it is, I'm afraid that somebody is going to hear her.
She feels like a furnace now, and I've exhausted most of the water jugs that are inside. There is nothing here to give her, and the bottle of junior strength Ibuprofen I kept in the motorhome is nearly empty and hasn't made a dent in her fever. It just keeps climbing as far as I can tell.
My mind keeps going back to the purges. I need Olivia to tell me more. Emily and Vincent, they were supposed to a one-off - an act of extreme paranoia. Frank and Gerald were drunk when they did it. They had to be. There can't really be people allowing this to happen, and if there are ... WHY are we still here?
11:30 PM
"You're a fool, Anna."
That's what Olivia told me when I asked her about the purging. "People are so terrified of this virus, that they are sacrificing the sick, in the hopes that it doesn't spread."
"Who? Who is doing this?"
"Nobody knows for sure. It's a group of men, or big women, or maybe both. They dress like the goddamned KKK, except in rain slickers and mosquito net hoods."
I tried not to look at Olivia when she said that. Olivia is a big woman. She's six feet tall with crazy, short red hair that curls around her head like a demonic halo. When Jess stands next to her, they look like a study in opposites. Jess is really petite, with very blonde hair and pale blue eyes. Angel and devil.
I didn't like it when Jess told me she was in love with Olivia. I thought Olivia was the devil incarnate, and I liked it even less when they moved in together.
But Livvy did things for Jess and her self esteem nobody else ever could, and I learnt to, if not love Livvy, at least I like her some.
She's a blunt hardass, but she speaks brutal honesty.
Why are we still here?
"Because this is the fucking Hotel California, Anna. You can check out any time you like; but you can never leave."
